We’ve got a problem. It’s present in and outside of church communities. You see it on the school yard, in the workplace, in public places, and everywhere in between. What’s the problem? Well, the problem always has been and always will be people. That’s right. The problem? Me. You. Us. But there’s more…
Humans. We are quick to judge. We reach conclusions about people quicker than a Nascar pit stop. We evaluate a person’s actions along the spectrum of our own goodness – a spectrum we haven’t even climbed. We create environments where people declare this verbally or in their head: you think you know me but you have no idea.
You Think You Know Me But You Have No Idea
Every time I say or read this statement I go back to the movie 8 Mile where Marshall Mathers (Eminem) is in the last rap battle scene of the movie and he declares, “you don’t know what the ____ I’ve been through!” Growing up I resonated with Eminem’s music. He was angry. He was honest about his struggles. I felt like I knew him because he actually talked about the things he had gone through, the way he was dealing with them, and how he really felt about people.
Staying on the Surface
How many times have you felt misunderstood? How many times have you judged someone completely wrong? It happens all the time whether we want to admit it or not. Although, maybe it’s prevalent in your life, but you don’t even realize it. Maybe you’re the type of person who makes a judgment about someone and leaves your conclusion there without ever trying to get beyond the surface of your assumptions. I’m not mad at you. I do it too. But we’ve gotta stop.
Want to know why you don’t understand other people? You’ve never taken the time to find out where they’ve come from. If only we took the time to hear people’s stories. If we did, we’d realize how much more God is at work in people’s lives than we ever thought.
Reality is, you won’t relate to someone who has been through hell and back if you’ve never gone on the journey yourself. If you’ve lived a life with everything handed to you, everyone loved you and showed it, and you’re part of the perfect family, you’ll have a hard time relating to someone who has had problems from early in life. That is, if you leave things on the surface and never put yourself in their shoes.[shareable]Reality is, you won’t relate to someone who has been through hell and back if you’ve never gone on the journey yourself.[/shareable]
Guarded But Hopeful
When you’ve been hurt by people over and over again, you develop a few things. You develop callouses on your heart that keep you from being hurt as easy. You develop emotional defense mechanisms where you become emotionally disconnected with most people (not that you’re insensitive or lack compassion, but you’re hurt by people much less easy). You develop a chip on your shoulder that probably hinders you in letting people in.
The results? Very few people really know you. You say to yourself, you think you know me but you have no idea on a frequent basis.
At the same time, you become hopeful that things could and will change. That someone may care enough to go back with you so they can understand the why of how you are today.
A Regretful Confession
When I began my journey with God around 6 years ago, I anticipated an abundance of deep relationships with others. I anticipated real conversations about life and my new found faith. Maybe I was naive. Probably. But naive I’d like to stay because the status quo is what I found and it tasted quite sour and rotten.
What’s the confession?
Here it is: Since becoming a Jesus follower and plugging into the bride of Christ – God’s Church – I’ve experienced more surface relationships than I ever had before.
Ha. Yes, how I wish this were surprising to you. I know you can relate.
When we create environments where everyone puts a smile on one day a week, asks how each other is doing (dismissing a true desire to really know), and buries what we ourselves are going through, we isolate everyone. We raise the banner of the status quo high above the cross of Christ.
When everyone is smiling, happy, and glad to be here, someone’s lying. And when we become okay with it, we forsake the call of Christ on our lives.
Who’s to blame? Me. You. Us.
Satan Likes the Status Quo
Every time someone walks into a gathering community of God’s people, smiles constantly, sings loudly, listens intently, and walks out still aching, hurting, and isolated, Satan rejoices. Why? Because that person didn’t experience what they were supposed to experience. They were never prayed with, they never shared their struggle with another, they kept their pain to themselves, and they took it with them away from that gathering and into a dry and weary land. They are left, once again, to bear their burden alone, to carry the weight of trauma, hurt, anxiety, anguish, sorrow.
And we rejoice because they simply showed up. Yippy skippy!
You know why Satan likes the status quo and why most churches like the status quo? Because it’s easy. It’s simple. Get people into a room, sing, talk, pray corporately, and go to lunch. Success! On whose scale of success? Our own? Really? Such small thinking! Such minuscule expectations of the power of God working in His people, through His people, and impacting all people.
How to Punch the Status Quo in the Mouth
Violent. I know. But unless we get a little FIRED UP about getting rid of the status quo, it will always creep back into our reality.
If our deep desire is to truly love our neighbors – all people – then we must go past the surface. We must get past the “hey, how are ya’s” and onto the “how are you, really’s”.
I’ll be the first to admit that the status quo has been reigning supreme in me lately. It takes work to move past the surface and I’ve been approaching life with a life jacket on for too long. It’s time to do some deep sea diving in the realm of relationships, “one anothering” as the Bible talks about, and actually caring to know someone’s story so we can understand their present reality.
Why is he so jaded? Why is she so cynical? Why does he have so many doubts? Why does she avoid conversations?
Maybe we should simply invite them to coffee and ask. Get to know them. Learn about their stories. Understand their past and see how God has worked to make their present what it is.
Things will change when we begin to change. Who is responsible for people saying, you think you know me but you have no idea? Me. You. Us.
Who can decide to change? I can. You can. We can.
Let’s Start a Movement
Imagine what life could be like if we had more deep relationships. Where we understood people and where they have come from. Imagine what churches would look like if people were ministered to and walked away knowing they have a new relationship with a person who cares AND a God who loves them!
It’s possible. But it starts with me. It starts with you.
Here’s the Challenge
Invite someone to coffee, lunch, dinner, whatever, and ask them to tell you their story. Ask them how they’ve experienced God working in their lives. Ask them what their struggles are as they relate to their relationship with God. You may not be able to ask all these types of questions (they may be taken back by your interest in their life – it’s not a common thing), but give it a shot.
Want the Scriptural basis for all this? Read this.
Have you ever said to yourself, you think you know me but you have no idea? What was the context? I’d love to hear your experience.
P.S.
If this resonated with you, would you share it? I think you’ll find that many people resonate and maybe we can start a movement of getting past the status quo in this area of our lives.
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