With every news headline, our knee-jerk reaction becomes even more of the norm on social media and in conversations.
Ever since the SCOTUS decision regarding Gay Marriage, I have been debating on whether or not to share my perspective on it all. I’ve debated whether or not to open my mouth and be a part of the madness of blog posts, social media posts, and face to face conversations regarding this new reality (that isn’t really all too new) – gay marriage.
I’ve never really desired to speak against the decision, for that has been done plenty. Instead, I’ve got something else to say…
Church, If You Were Really Serious About the Sanctity of Marriage…
People all around the country who profess Christ as their Lord and Savior have come out in opposition to the decision to legalize gay marriage. I get it. I really do. I agree with you in many ways. I agree that gay marriage is redefining the institution of marriage – an institution that should be held in honor.
There are also some major blindspots that the Church has grown to be comfortable with. These blindspots are, in fact, even more detrimental to the sanctity of marriage, yet we rarely find the Church speaking to these issues.
Church, if you were really serious about the sanctity of marriage, you would spend a lot of time lifting marriage up. You would be honoring it at all times and whenever anything in our fellow Christians’ thinking or actions arises that harms the institution of marriage, you would address it in love.
The younger generation can spot fakes from miles and miles away. They can see when you’re elevating one thing above another. They can see that you’re really comfortable with speaking out against gay marriage, but you don’t seem to address other things that are harming your rallying cry – the sanctity of marriage.
If you were really serious about your rallying cry…
…you would speak out against divorce. It was a long time ago when divorce rates all across this country began to rise (1960’s and 1970’s in particular). As a country currently, divorce rates seem to be falling, which is great news. In all of the fiasco regarding the gay marriage decision, I think this offers the Church a great opportunity to take a long look in the mirror and ask the question: are we approaching the sanctity of marriage with the same zeal when we hear about someone considering a divorce?
The people who make up the Church in America are quick to oppose gay marriage, but many of the people opposing this decision are people who “understand” when a brother or sister in Christ decide to get a divorce. In the name of being happy, the Church has played a part in harming the sanctity of marriage. Aaron Earls argues this in his recent article:
If the foundation of a marriage is nothing but the happiness of the participants there can be no “defense of marriage.” There is only an argument that you should be happy and not another. That’s not a winning argument. In fact, it’s no argument at all.
If a Christian desires to see marriage upheld as an institution in society, he or she must first uphold it as an institution in their life.
The Church should be the place where we find marriage being held in honor, yet we often find that the marriages inside of the Church appear to be just like all others.
On sheer numbers, divorce should be a concern for the Church. It’s reported that 876,000 divorces happen each year. That’s around 2,400 per day. If the Church wants to be serious about the sanctity of marriage, she should speak to the problem of divorce as well as gay marriage.
…you would speak out against cohabitation. It’s no secret that the phenomenon of cohabitation is on the rise and has been for a long time. It comes from the thinking that it’s a good thing to enter into marriage with eyes wide open. In other words, we want to test-drive this relationship before we ultimately commit. Many people call cohabitation just the next step in their relationship.
The reality is, sex outside of marriage is wrong. Many Christians would agree, unfortunately not all. Many church attenders are cohabiting and they are in line with the same thinking as the paragraph above. The impact that cohabitation has on marriage and divorce has been studied greatly. Results have been controversial, because it is a controversial topic. Some studies say that it greatly harms divorce rates, and others say that it has nothing to do with divorce rates.
Regardless of its effect on divorce rates, it does have a negative effect on children.
Even regardless of that, cohabitation doesn’t honor God. If the Church wants to be serious about the sanctity of marriage, she should speak to the problem of cohabitation as well as gay marriage.
…you would speak out against pornography. This closet sin is astronomically harmful to marriages. A great ministry for people struggling with porn addiction is xxxChurch.com. One of their articles highlights the effects of porn use on a relationship:
Whether your wife knows you are using pornography or not, your actions have already hurt her.
Rabbi Arush puts it this way: “A woman is not just a body, but a vibrant soul that thrives on intimacy, attention, communication, consideration, respect, and the love of two souls binding together. A husband that focuses on his own physical gratification doesn’t provide his wife with any of the emotional and spiritual gratification that is the basis of her vitality.”
Pornography completely alters the way individuals view others. Instead of real people, they are minimized to objects for pleasure. The Church HAS to be willing to speak out against this problem because it is hurting marriages. Here are some more negative effects that porn has on husbands and wives.
If the Church wants to be serious about the sanctity of marriage, she should speak to the problem of pornography as well as gay marriage.
What the Church Should Be FOR
Instead of just highlighting what the Church should also speak against, I want to offer what, I believe, the Church should be FOR.
The Church should be FOR marriages that honor God. The picture we get of marriage is the picture of how Jesus and His Church relate. Jesus laid down His life for the Church and He loves her and honors her with all that He has. The Church is the bride of Christ and He lifts her up, He sacrifices Himself for her and has given up all for the sake of the relationship.
The message we should have in regards to marriage should be Jesus. He sets the example. He gives us the blueprint. We should honor God-honoring marriages every chance we get, but we should never lose sight of our real purpose as the Church – to lift up Jesus, to glorify Him. It’s so easy to get caught up and distracted by the latest battle of the “Culture Wars,” but we must stay focused on what our ultimate purpose is: to bring glory to God.
If we focus on that, the way we talk about marriage, teach about marriage, and live in marriage will be God-honoring. We’ll talk about divorce, cohabitation, pornography, and gay marriage, but we will approach those topics with grace, love, mercy, and hope. We will lift up the life-changing message of Jesus, the message that redeems and transforms people no matter their sexual sin, no matter their sexual attraction. Jesus has the power to loose the bonds of sin and set people free. That is the message we should focus on, the message we should lift up, the message we should be radically zealous about.
Let’s major in the majors. Let’s emphasize the eternal. Let’s lift up Jesus when everyone is lifting up something else. Let’s be a beacon of hope for those who have been divorced, for those who have been living together outside of marriage, for those who have a porn addiction, for those who are attracted to the same-sex.
Shine your light Church. Shine it bright.
