It was natural for me. It was motivating. It produced results. It’s the reason why I showed up early and stayed late. Driven. My fuel? Anger. Revenge.
As an athlete this was natural for me. People would wonder if I was actually having fun when playing sports. I was. But my face showed my motivation. I had a chip on my shoulder – a large one.
When Anger Becomes ‘Heart’
I didn’t become the captain of my Hockey team because I was the best player. No. I became the captain of my hockey team because I had what you would call ‘heart’ in sports. In other words, I played hockey angrily. I was on a mission to make others hurt. And if they knocked me down, I had more fuel in the tank.
In my first Hockey game I spent more time on my rear end than I did on my skates. I hadn’t tapped into the Brandon-on-ice person I would soon become. My next practice changed that completely. I was angry that I had been embarrassed in my first game. What did I do? I took it out on anyone who got in my way. In Hockey this was completely acceptable. And I was good at it.
From then on I had become the guy who would skate harder, hit harder, and work harder than anyone else. Concussions wouldn’t slow me down, I would get back out there, get the guy (or team) back, and then go to the hospital after the game.
A Life of Anger
For a long time I lived life with anger. I lived life with a chip on my shoulder. I wanted to be the best and it was my anger that gave me extra motivation to achieve what I needed to achieve.
I wasn’t an uncontrollable type of angry. I knew when to turn it on and turn it off. But there were times where the switch would get flipped really quickly.
Sports were my acceptable place to channel that anger and use it for the motivation of winning. I didn’t like getting into trouble so I tried my hardest to save the anger for the ice rink or the ball field.
My senior year of HS my family life took a turn for the worst and this only amplified my anger. I was now a person who dealt with anger, but also dealt with depression, resentment, and confusion.
Do you know what it’s like to do the very thing that you believe is right only to face negative consequences for it? Disowned. Identity rocked. Stability no more. Distraction needed. Addiction embraced.
Old Fuel Burns Slow
Today, by the grace of God (and only by that) I am a new person. I am a person motivated and driven by mission. I preach, teach, write, and speak because I want to help more people live abundant life in Jesus Christ. That’s what my life is now about. But…
Old fuel burns slow. Old motivation sometimes tries to creep in. If you’ve ever had big struggles and are in the process of letting God change you, you know what I’m talking about.
I can so easily fall into being motivated by anger again. Only this time my anger is pointed at the enemy – the unseen forces of evil. Maybe we can call this a righteous indignation, but I’m not so sure.
What I see all throughout Scripture is that our only weapon to fight this battle is the sword of truth – the word of God. And when I open up God’s word I see that the way in which I am to conduct myself is motivated by one thing – love.
Luke 6:35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.
1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
Those are just two instances, but the examples abound. [callout]Want to know God in a deeper way? I just released a FREE 4 week audio course + daily devotional called, Journey. Get your copy today![/callout]
What I’m Doing
I am, in every moment, trying to release control of my emotions, my choices, my everything to the Holy Spirit so that the thing in which I am motivated by is not anger, but love. Not revenge, but mission. Not someone’s demise, but someone’s salvation.
If you have struggled with anger, please know that old fuel burns slow and it may creep in and try to take over your heart, but you can guard your heart. The way you do so is by letting go and letting the Holy Spirit take control. He is faithful and able to guard your heart.
What has been your experience with old fuel burning slowly in your life? Let me know in the comments below.
